WHAT THE FUCK.

EDIT: Okay. I say this once, and only once.

I confronted Maestro. He said he was sorry for the misundertanding, but he was talking about the adult opera company, of which my two voice teachers are members.

I listened to her yesterday, and Dolores has a -really- good voice. Most likely, they knew that and weren't judging just on the audition day.

I was wrong.

And I did get a solo, in a different song.

So I'm sorry, but I made a mistake.

I'm keeping the rest of this below just to state my ambition.

EDIT 2: PUBLISH, DAMN YOU!
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Maybe this is the fate's way of telling me I'm meant to be something like an accountant or a banker or work at McDonalds. That my love of music is nothing but that:

An untalented love.

Someday, I want to be famous. I want to be a face that people know, that people recognize. I don't want what happened to my mother to happen to me.

My mother was a prima ballerina in her teenage dance company and a Rockette, who went to the school in NY for professional children through all of high school, and then she kept getting turned down from dance companies because of racial quotas (this was at the height of affirmative action time, in the seventies).

So my mom, being put down every time, pushed herself as hard as she could, trying to become so good that the dance companies -couldn't- refuse her.

And then she got hurt during a fucking audition- busted her knee. The dance company thought she was amazing and was going to put her in a lead role, but she had to get surgery on her knee, thus ending her dance career.

I think God or whatever diety is trying to tell us that the O'Connells are not meant for fame.

You know what, God/Diety?

FUCK YOU.

I'm gonna be famous. I don't care what you do- I'm gonna go on to do something with music and you're not going to fucking stop me. I'm going to be adored. I'm going to be extraordinairy. I'm going to be amazing somehow.

How's that for you?

You want to stop me? Smote me. I'm not going to give up until I mother-fucking get to the top of the ladder.

And then I'm going to pay all my mom's medical bills. And buy my daddy a boat like he's always wanted. And give mom the money to start up her own dance studio.

And start my own school-

My own school for students that were like me.

That are outcasts from the 'popular' crowd. That are artists, that express themselves.

The ones that feel like they have nowhere to turn, that they're always going to be second-best.

No. They won't be second best. They won't fucking go through what I go through now.

I won't let them.

DEPRESSED//FUCKINGPISSED

Alias: Elle//fin.